For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.
When does identifying our or others' needs become a coping mechanism that hides the real problems that go unaddressed, and thereby reinforcing problems? This article zooms out to take a look at how dealing with our needs in the absence of the larger picture can inadvertertly support unhealthy ways of operating, rather than become a healthy solution. It asks us to see what could be hidden -- both on the personal and societal levels.
The human needs that we all share are the foundation of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process because it is in connecting to needs that we find inner freedom, empowerment and compassion.
There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change.
In the face of needs that are still hungry to be satisfied, we can expand our view, plus generate ideas and creativity that can find new paths forward. Try these tips to transform our complaint into commitment for a change in strategy that works with needs...
Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the need is, are factors to guide us for when to apply force and demand within NVC. We can be attached to outcome, without being attached to strategy.