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In the Spotlight: Self Empathy


"NVC's most important use may be in developing self-compassion."
– Marshall Rosenberg, PhD

"Developing a consistent Self-empathy practice is the single most healing thing I've ever done for myself. It has allowed me to heal old, negative beliefs that used to sabotage my ability to enjoy intimate and loving relationships, and to uncover and express the greater Truth of me. Every relationship, friendship, and interaction with others has benefitted as a result."
– Mary Mackenzie

"When we make mistakes, instead of getting caugtht up in moralistic self-judgments, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow. By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilty anger or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being."
– Marshall Rosenberg, PhD

Expand your needs vocabulary, and build your capacity to identify needs — even when you’ve been triggered. Check out Mary’s powerful teaching on Self-Empathy, just below.

Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries From Requests

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 05/2020
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.


Why Do I Feel Depressed?

Article  • 7 - 11 minutes • 04/2018
Beginner Skill Level
Article
7 - 11 minutes

When does identifying our or others' needs become a coping mechanism that hides the real problems that go unaddressed, and thereby reinforcing problems?  This article zooms out to take a look at how dealing with our needs in the absence of the larger picture can inadvertertly support unhealthy ways of operating, rather than become a healthy solution.  It asks us to see what could be hidden -- both on the personal and societal levels.


Needs: A Foundation of Inner Freedom, Empowerment and Peace

Article  • 3 -5 minutes • 2005
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 -5 minutes

The human needs that we all share are the foundation of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process because it is in connecting to needs that we find inner freedom, empowerment and compassion.


Privilege and Needs - Part 2

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 11/2010
All Skill Levels
Article
4 - 6 minutes

What is it that we are taught we can’t have, and what is it that we are encouraged to pursue instead? This guide could help you see through what's hidden behind the curtain of our societal conditioning.


Privilege and Needs - Part 1

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 06/2011
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change.


There's No Such Thing as a Perfect Strategy

with Jim Manske
Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 11/2017
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

In the face of needs that are still hungry to be satisfied, we can expand our view, plus generate ideas and creativity that can find new paths forward.  Try these tips to transform our complaint into commitment for a change in strategy that works with needs...


Moving From Blame to Self-Responsibility

Article  • 2 - 5 minutes • 2007
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
2 - 5 minutes

Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?


Unpacking OFNR - Requests

Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 11/2020
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the need is, are factors to guide us for when to apply force and demand within NVC. We can be attached to outcome, without being attached to strategy.


Life Serving Strategies

Article  • 2-3 minutes • 1/2015
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2-3 minutes

This sheet lists and describes 13 life serving strategies, such as: Time out, disengage, honesty check, and engaging in a working recovery plan. Read on for more.


Recovering from Reactivity

Audio  • 30 minutes • 06/2010
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
30 minutes

Join CNVC Certified Trainers Jim and Jori Manske for this session that will help you minimize your reactivity and live in greater choice.


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