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Erin Merrihew

Erin Merrihew

Erin helps people overcome their reactive patterns to build stronger relationships and live with more courage, kindness and authenticity. She is a Communication and Empowerment Coach and Certified Trainer in Nonviolent Communication, and has a degree in Sociology. In her coaching work with individuals, couples, leaders and organizations, Erin blends together powerful expertise in emotional intelligence with human intuition and just the right dose of realness to catalyze fierce, openhearted living in her clients. Born and raised in Seattle, Erin is passionate about hiking and backpacking, world travel, speaking Spanish, singing and playing the ukulele, vegetarian cooking, yoga and devouring self-help books.

Website: www.erinmerrihew.com.

NVC Library Resources with Erin Merrihew

We all fall into codependency sometimes — it’s in our wiring. And when we do, it’s a sign that we’re looking for security the only way we know how in that moment: by looking outside of ourselves. At its core, codependency is the act of leaving ourselves and looking outward to find our sense of self. So to heal codependent patterns we need focus on coming back to ourselves and engage in vulnerable, boundaried connection.

Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other person is more likely to collaborate.

What can you do to move towards connection when you you sense reactivity, defense, withdrawal or conflict arising? You can make a connection request, check the congruence between your body language and your words, and get curious about the impact of your actions. When you've tried everything you could also acknowledge that something is off, and choose to come back together when both parties have had time to reflect. Read on for more.

After acknowledging the impact others have on us, you can ask yourself "What am I telling myself?" and "If that’s true, what am I afraid will happen?". The more present, gentle and compassionate you can be with the underlying feelings, the faster you can move through your trigger. Then you're more likely to respond in ways that feel, kind, responsible, intelligent and aligned for you.