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Feelings vs Interpretations

Article  • 1-2 minutes • 04/2020
Beginner Skill Level
Article
1-2 minutes

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.


Understanding and Transforming Anger

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 01/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6 - 9 minutes

Anger can alert us that a need may be threatened. When anger lives in someone as a well-worn habit, it arises from a place of dissociation from one’s heart and is entangled with misinterpretations, a deep sense of threat, a history of pain, and social conditioning that isn’t life-serving. Read on for how intention, mindfulness, and specific actions can change that habit.


Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 3/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6 - 9 minutes

Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to offer.


Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 2/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.


Express Anger with Responsibility

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

Anger can bring in judgment and blame. Instead, use anger and frustration to identify what’s important and express what matters to you in a collaborative way.


How to Meet Hurt and Pain From the Past

Article  • 2 - 4 minutes • 6/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2 - 4 minutes

Past hurt and pain can get triggered even when it doesn't have much to do with the present. When that happens we can gain perspective by self reflecting, engaging self empathy, grounding an "anchor", noticing the present-moment safety, naming needs and making requests.


How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 6/2020
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6 - 9 minutes

Sometimes the empathy you offer may stimulate disconnect or a sense of boundary crossing for the other person. To identify what might have contributed to the disconnect you can look for the signs, the level of attunement and the context, and examine what's happening in you. Read on for more.


Signs of Healthy Differentiation With Empathy

Article  • 4- 6 minutes • 08/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
4- 6 minutes

If you ask for or give empathy and are met with accusations of codependency, there are a number of things you can do to check that you are coming from a place of healthy differentiation. You can see if you're doing so from a place of healthy differentiation -- and notice signs of healthy differentiation when you offer empathy. You can also bring a profound respect for differences, and clear boundaries. Read on for more.


Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Article  • 5 - 7 minutes • 02/2020
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 7 minutes

Even in a conflict, you can offer emotional safety without being enmeshed -- and you can do this without sliding into strategies to gain power over another. You can prioritize connection, express your intention, make space for mutuality, honestly reveal what you care about and propose a way forward. This means caring for your needs regardless of their response -- and mourning if their response isn't what you want. Read on for more.


Finding Worthiness and Belonging

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 03/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
4 - 6 minutes

Worthlessness and shame are linked to the idea of not belonging or being unworthy of belonging -- that is, a deep sense of belonging to life, to your sense of self, and to our earth. Compensatory strategies to win worthiness and belonging arise from here and effectively block the very thing it is pursuing. Transformation occurs when there is a critical mass of clarity about the harm of a particular way of thinking and behaving.


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