CNVC Certified Trainer from Long Beach, California, USA
Mary Mackenzie, M.A., is an author, trained mediator, and CNVC Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. She holds a master's degree in human relations from Northern Arizona University and is the co-founder of the NVC Academy, the only online school for learning Nonviolent Communication.
Mary teaches Nonviolent Communication and other spiritually-based programs to individuals, couples, families, organizations, and spiritual communities through a wide variety of workshops and retreats. Her book Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion offers inspiring practical methods for creating peace in our everyday lives.
As a pioneer of online NVC training, Mary runs her company in harmony with what she teaches. She and NVC Academy co-founder, Mark Schultz, paved the way to NVC online training in 2006 and have been instrumental in alleviating the financial and geographical barriers to learning NVC skills.
One of her passions is facilitating critical dialogues between people, and she has spent more than 20 years learning a wide variety of effective processes she can draw on in a moment's notice. Known for her clear communication style, she is especially skilled in helping individuals within groups put aside their preferences and find ways to collaborate with each other that are in alignment with their values. Her ability to cut through the confusion in a group has helped many teams quickly move forward in their desired progress.
Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at least two of your interactions.
Trainer Tip: The Nonviolent Communication process strengthens our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions. It provides tools to promote peaceful living on a daily basis. Be aware today of the times that your behaviors or attitudes promote distrust and self-protection, rather than compassion and humanity.
Trainer Tip: What are your goals, hopes and dreams? For greater success it’s important to make your goals concrete, specific, and focused on what do you want (rather than what you don't want).
Trainer Tip: There's often a large gap between what we experience, and the story we make up about it. Noticing how our judgments and assumptions cloud our observations can be critical to creating a connection with others and maintaining a Nonviolent Communication consciousness.
Trainer Tip: When considering your "deal breakers" consider what you want from a relationship rather than how it will look. For instance, maybe my need for abundance can be met by someone who is independently wealthy, so he doesn’t have to “have a good job”. When you shift your focus from strategies to needs, you may be pleasantly surprised what the universe brings. Read on for more.
Trainer Tip: List specific things that would signify love to you. Based on who the other person is and who you are, how could your need for love be met? Being specific is important. General statements, such as “I just want you to love me” or “I would like you to be more attentive and listen to me more” won’t work. (S)he may already think (s)he is attentive. What would being attentive look like to you? And how will he know if (s)he’s been attentive enough?
Trainer Tip: Sometimes we need to empathize with a person before he can hear our anger. Consider that all anger is an expression of an unmet need. If we focus on the need, rather than the actions, we are more likely to connect compassionately with other people. Be aware of opportunities to empathize with someone’s anger today.
Trainer Tip: Acknowledge that the person’s life has been affected by your actions and enjoy the feeling of warmth you have when you contribute to a life. Try verbally acknowledging how you feel when you hear that you have enhanced her life.
Trainer Tip: If you make a specific and doable request as soon as you notice your needs, you'll have a better possibility of getting them met. It's also more likely your request will support the other person to contribute to your life. Make at least one specific, doable request of someone today as soon as you notice your needs.