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Library Resources with conflict

Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

People find confrontation inspirational when done with full compassion and intention to support. To do this, transform your own judgments or distress, come with useful content plus spot-on timing, and the best interests of the receiver in mind. Read on for questions you can ask yourself in preparation for this, and more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 7 - 10 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2010
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee Martha Lasley
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a needs-based dialogue when such a reframe could alienate those who live in the worldview of earn/deserve?

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 13 - 20 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2013
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee BayNVC
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Misunderstandings can be painful. We can easily avoid this by checking what the other person understood from what we said, and ask the other person to do the same. Doing this is especially important when it comes to planning, shared decision-making, and when emotions are strong. Also, the more someone knows you, the more they think they already know what you mean -- which can get in the way of really hearing you. Here are a variety of ways to approach this simple strategy.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 8/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Sometimes even a very skilled empathy practicitioner can go into offering a non-empathic response, even when asked for empathy.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our brain and relationship with others.  This article speaks to the deeper "why" and also to one thing we could do to turn it around...

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 3 - 5 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2018
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee Sarah Peyton
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

For the ultimate romance to unfold, as an expression of your care for how your words and actions affect others, prioritize digging into your inner work before addressing conflict with them.  This means doing the inner work necessary to get to the root of the issue, which can bring bigger shifts, more aliveness, love, creativity, inspiration and compassion.  This doesn't mean letting the other person get away with unhealthy behaviour.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 01/2018
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee Eric Bowers
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 4 - 6 minutes
  • Production Date 01/2018
  • Premium Members

    n/a

  • Payee Eric Bowers
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Have you ever gotten a fishing line all tangled up? You got so frustrated you just started yanking on the different loops of line, which of course made the knots and tangles even tighter and more difficult to untangle. Wouldn’t it be great if you could notice the minute you were starting to tangle things up in a discussion with your loved one?

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 2002
  • Premium Members

    n/a

  • Payee Kelly Bryson
  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

For us to have a more peaceful world and relationships, growing our skills to engage interdependently is key. An interdependence-oriented person may choose to attend to both inner factors and outer factors that affect their own and others' experiences. Unfortunately, this is likely to be misunderstood by independence-oriented people as enmeshment -- and this is where conflict emerges. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration 3 - 5 minutes
  • Production Date 08/2020
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Payee Bob Wentworth
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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