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LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
CNVC Certified Trainer from Portland, Oregon, USA

CNVC Certified Trainer from Portland, Oregon, USA

My name is LaShelle Lowe-Chardé. I am passionate about helping people express their deepest values in their relationships and creating clarity and connection with self and others. This passion started with my family of origin. It was as rich with love as it was with loud arguments, explosions of anger, fear, and chaos. Growing up with a heart full of love and a mind wrought with confusion, I was highly motivated to find clarity and create the life of beauty and joy I knew was possible. Ever since I can remember I have devoted myself to this search for clarity. At age six I had a vision of living in a monastery. At age eleven I started reading books on the life of the Buddha, the New Testament, the teachings of Don Juan, quantum physics, and whatever else I could find. This quest continued through adolescence and young adulthood and led to a bachelors and a masters degree in psychology. I then began work in public schools as a school psychologist.  In addition to nine years in public schools, I spent several years facilitating group healing work for adolescent youth labeled at-risk. During that same time I led leadership and teamwork trainings for businesses and organizations around Portland.

Along the way I found Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and began training with Marshall Rosenberg and other internationally known NVC trainers. I immediately knew that Compassionate Communication was the missing piece. It offers a deep and broad yet simple understanding of human nature along with a concrete set of tools to help us act and live from a place of clarity and compassion. For me Compassionate Communication is the hands and feet of spirituality.  In 2006, I was certified as a NVC trainer.  In 2002 I realized that my work in the schools and with youth had reached its end.  I left my position as school psychologist and spent a year living in Great Vow Zen Monestary.  Here I was able to do much healing work and deeply integrate NVC into my internal dialogue.  Now the inner voice of compassion arises as habitually as the old voices and of self-criticism and judgment did in the past. 

Beginning the next chapter of my professional life after my time in the monestary, I reconnected with my long time passion for working with couples.  In my work with couples I saw that another dimension of that work that I enjoyed, was supporting individuals in cultivating a compassionate relationship with self.  Relating compassionately to oneself and others in a personal relationship is now the focus of my work. I offer this work in local workshops and class series, on-line courses, and through national and international travel. As much as I love to offer trainings, I also love to be a student in them.  In addition to certification in Nonviolent Communication, I completed a three year training in Hakomi - Body Centered Therapy and introductory trainings in Emotionally Focused Therapy and with the Gottman Institute. I currently live and work in Portland, Oregon.  I feel continually blessed to be living in the great northwest where the lushness of nature is all around.  I am happily supported here by my partner and loving community of friends and collegues.

NVC Library Resources with : LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators and attributes of each of these distinctions.

The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers, "should's", feelings, needs and dilemmas.

As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give grief the space and support it needs.

There are many layers of consciousness, knowledge, and skill that contribute to a successful negotiation. A successful negotiation is one where honor and connection lead to a way forward, and leads to a plan of action that considers and meets everyone's needs in that situation. Read on for three fundamental principles that help with successful needs-based negotiation.

Goals and purposes can arise from intentions, but are different. Intentions arise from what's authentic, alive and aligned for you. Intentions can give you a sense of expansion, ease, and flow -- and are an essential part of any change process. Clear intentions can support decisions, management of resources, plus it can direct your attention effectively and with integrity. Read on for practices to find and implement your intention.

Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.

When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take aligned action that works for all.

Follow worry to the underlying universal need and discern wise action. To get there, we can try out prayer, wishes, savoring the need, or compassionate witnessing. If you notice and name the aspects of worry continuously, the compassionate witnessing practice will interrupt the habitual spinning of worry-filled stories. There are at least six things you can witness with curiosity. Read on for more.

Reactivity is the misperception of threat coupled with lack of access to compassion and wisdom. Sensitivity is an ability to deeply perceive data, plus consciously attend to and attune to data, as it comes through the five senses. It can be a gift. If you lack the skill to care for any of your sensitivity-overwhelm by setting boundaries, you may develop reactive habits, like suddenly withdrawing or lashing out in order to get relief.

The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with it, as lazy or stubborn. Read on for more.