Trainer Tip: Persisting without demanding is the art of what Marshall Rosenberg fondly called "Dogging for our needs." We can learn to not give up on our needs and at the same time, refrain from demanding they be met. Trainer Tip The art of love . . . is largely the art of persistence.—Albert Ellis Persisting is the active attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is the insistence that someone do something to avoid negative repercussions. Let’s imagine that you want to go on vacation with a friend. She says she doesn’t have enough money. A demand would sound something like this: “You never have enough money. This time you just have to go. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime and I don’t want to miss it!” Persistence may involve empathizing with her. “You’re really worried about money, aren’t you? You just don’t want to do anything that will hinder your ability to pay your bills?” “No, I don’t, and you always plan extravagant trips and I’m scared to spend that much money!” “So, you’re worried that I’ll plan the trip outside your comfort level?” “Yeah, I’m worried about that.” “Wow. I’m glad to hear this because I wouldn’t want you to be worried about money on trips with me. How would you feel if we created a budget and I planned the trip around the budget?” In this example, you persisted by listening to the needs of your friend and continued to look for a solution that would meet both of your needs. When we persist and consider all needs, we are more likely to meet all of them. Many times this results in a win-win solution. Notice whether you are making demands today. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press.