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NVC Resources on Shame


Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/2018
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/2018
What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy...

Dialogues with Our Shame

Video • 45 minutes • 11/17/2018
Video
45 minutes
11/17/2018
During this session, Giorgos will walk you through a series of short, meditative practices and exercises designed to help you practice noticing, experiencing, and bringing shame to light — transforming it from a burden to a playful fellow as well as a portal to self-knowledge and internal freedom. You'll discover how the deep power of human connectedness can dilute the fogginess of sensitive...

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 11. Catching Hearts

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
01/2016
When we take a leap in life and put our hearts out into the world in new or bigger ways—sharing a song, dance, or poem, writing a book, competing at a sporting event, giving a speech, and so on—there is greater potential for aliveness but also for shame and pain

Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and stagnation. Instead, bringing in more self compassion can increase opportunities for change. Do this by acknowledging your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. Read on for how to do this.

Moving from Fault to Cause: Looking for Systemic Solutions to White Supremacy

Article • 13 - 19 minutes • 09/2017
Article
13 - 19 minutes
09/2017
We can see throughout many examples in history that when we look for "who" is at fault, and thereby seek social change through shaming that person (or that group), it tends to lead to disastrous long term consequences. Even if it works in the short term. Instead, if we want to end cycles of violence we can seek to understand systemic causes and context of individuals' behaviour. And from there,...

Finding Worthiness and Belonging

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 03/2020
Article
4 - 6 minutes
03/2020
Worthlessness and shame are linked to the idea of not belonging or being unworthy of belonging -- that is, a deep sense of belonging to life, to your sense of self, and to our earth. Compensatory strategies to win worthiness and belonging arise from here and effectively block the very thing it is pursuing. Transformation occurs when there is a critical mass of clarity about the harm of a...

Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 12/2004
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
12/2004
During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.

Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

Article • 3-5 minutes • 07/2020
Article
3-5 minutes
07/2020
The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with...

Motivation Through Joy

Trainer Tip • 1-2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1-2 minutes
10/2005
Pay attention to when you're motivated by guilt, duty, obligation, shame, and worry. How do you feel? Does it bring up resentment, rebellion, submission, reactivity or resistance? When you're motivated by joy notice how that feels, and how others respond. Read on for a related story.

What is the Shadow?

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 01/2018
Article
4 - 6 minutes
01/2018
What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, understand or even notice? What parts do others have difficulty embracing, understanding or noticing? Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge, blame or feel shame around certain needs, feelings and parts of self and/or others? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves and others that shapes views and behaviours.

Healing the Blame that Binds

Article • 4 -6 minutes • 2000
Article
4 -6 minutes
2000
Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice." As long as I keep the big bony finger of blame pointed in your direction, I can remain unaware of the fact that it is what I am telling myself about your behavior that is stimulating my painful reactions.

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Article • 3-5 minutes • 2/2019
Article
3-5 minutes
2/2019
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Can We Un-Skew Resource Distribution?

Article • 14 - 21 minutes • 3/2019
Article
14 - 21 minutes
3/2019
In learning how to re-invent the economic system so that it distributes resources in a way that includes as many people's needs as possible, we would need to be in a process of mutual influence with one another. However, addressing resource distribution can be complex when people in different social locations have 1.)a different sense of what's considered "enough" 2.) different capacities to...

The Power of Authenticity + Care

Article • 9 - 13 minutes • 04/2019
Article
9 - 13 minutes
04/2019
When we're on the receiving end of pain-stimulating assumptions, a microaggression, or prejudice --when we're reactive and resultingly have self-doubt, guilt or shame in ourselves-- is it possible to be intensely authentic while holding care for everyone in the situation? Can we effectively do this even as a third party witnesses to these things? Self-empathy, empathy, and a commitment to...

Healing Addiction With Unconscious Contract Work

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 01/2020
Article
5 - 8 minutes
01/2020
An addiction to something (eg. opioids, fats, sugars, salts, cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, etc.) or a compulsion (eg. gambling, shopping, working, sex or love addictions) is often an unconscious attempt to soothe trauma - fear, loneliness and shame that's frozen in unconscious memory. The addiction or compulsion is a substitute for what we really need. It is an endless craving that's never...

Dealing with Loss: Coming Back to Life (3 Session Course)

Audio • 2 hours, 55 minutes • 11/06/2013
Audio
2 hours, 55 minutes
11/06/2013
This gentle, healing telecourse recording will assist you in unearthing feelings and issues that have become tangled up with loss, enabling you to face whatever is blocking your grief. The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.

Embracing Your Emotions: Honoring the Wisdom of BIG Emotions (3 Session Course)

Audio • 3 - 4 hours • 06/13/2011
Audio
3 - 4 hours
06/13/2011
Listen to this short 3 session telecourse recording with CNVC Certified Trainer Christine King, and you will learn how to honor the wisdom that your anger, fear, shame and other BIG emotions have for you. The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.