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NVC Resources on Argument


Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

Article • 3-5 minutes • 8/2018
Article
3-5 minutes
8/2018
Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to...

I Want To Connect More Than I Want To Be Right

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 12/22/2021
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
12/22/2021
Trainer Tip: We have a better chance of getting our needs met if we prioritize connecting with one another's needs more than being right. This way we can reduce the chances of conflict arising. We also increase the possibility we can find ways everyone’s needs can be met.

Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

Article • 3-5 minutes • 6/2018
Article
3-5 minutes
6/2018
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

Making Sure We Are Heard

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: We all see through our own filters. To disentangle what we hear from some is really saying, check using understanding requests at the level of detail you need. Course correct along the way. In a charged situation this can be critical to bringing in clarity, being heard and resolving differences amicably.

How To Stop Arguing

Article • 9-13 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
9-13 minutes
9/2/2021
Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one...

How To Handle “Predatory Listening”

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 02/24/2021
Article
4 - 6 minutes
02/24/2021
While someone is upset or hurt they may "listen" to us to gather evidence for a rebuttal, to assert or validate a preconceived idea, and so on. When in this "predatory listening" mode, the "listener's" needs overshadow relational values like understanding, connection, or mutuality. In response to this we can consider our purpose, affirm any positive intent or need in what they say, and ask...

Specificity Is the Key

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: If you make a specific and doable request as soon as you notice your needs, you'll have a better possibility of getting them met. It's also more likely your request will support the other person to contribute to your life. Make at least one specific, doable request of someone today as soon as you notice your needs.

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Article • 3-5 minutes • 2/2019
Article
3-5 minutes
2/2019
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Does Anyone Deserve Anything?

Article • 13 - 20 minutes • 05/2013
Article
13 - 20 minutes
05/2013
Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a...

Bridging the Gap: Practical Support for Parents of Grown Sons and Daughters (4 Session Course)

Audio • 4 - 6 hours • 09/05/2013
Audio
4 - 6 hours
09/05/2013
Learn tools to help you reconnect and repair your relationship with your adult children. Whether the issues are estrangement, lack of trust, conflict, dependence, miscommunication or any other challenge that impacts you with your grown sons and daughters, your heart will find comfort and ease through this course.

NVC Mediation Level 1 Training: Mediating Conflict for Yourself and Others (8 Session Course)

Audio • 11 - 14 hours • 02/2011
Audio
11 - 14 hours
02/2011
This telecourse recording provides an experience with the language, skills and consciousness of NVC applied to mediating all types of conflict whether you are one of the people in conflict or you are supporting others in conflict.

Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Article • 7-10 minutes • 10/2017
Article
7-10 minutes
10/2017
When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...