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NVC Resources on Argument



Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to...

From Obedience and Shame to Freedom and Belonging: Transforming Patriarchal Paradigms of Child-Rearing in the Age of Global Warming

Article • 33 pages
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
33 pages
What will it take to reclaim our fundamental relatedness with all things alive, surrender our attempts to control nature, and find a way of living that averts or mitigates the worst possible catastrophes awaiting us while it's still possible?

How to Survive the Holidays: 6 Communication Tips

Article • Read Time: 6 - 10 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read Time: 6 - 10 minutes
For many, spending time with relatives over the holidays may be challenging. In addition to the love and care we may feel, family gatherings can bring up old hurts or expose painful differences. How many family meals have been marred by tense silence or devolved into harsh argument?

Connection, Connection, Connection

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

Making Sure We Are Heard

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: We all see through our own filters. To disentangle what we hear from some is really saying, check using understanding requests at the level of detail you need. Course correct along the way. In a charged situation this can be critical to bringing in clarity, being heard and resolving differences amicably.

Needs-Based Negotiation

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: When we create situations that value one person’s needs at the expense of another, we open the door for someone to lose. Instead, look to see if you can speak openly and honestly, value the other person’s needs, and create solutions that value all stakeholder needs.

The Power of Being Heard

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: To defuse anger and create space for resolution, hear the other person’s feelings and needs. If this practice is new to you, you're like to experience fear and resistance in trying it out. However, you'll be more likely to experience a powerful shift, and build your capacity, if you try it anyways.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 7. Talk about Conflict When You’re Not in Conflict

Trainer Tip • 4 - 6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
4 - 6 minutes
Conflict is a normal and natural part of life. To varying degrees, it happens whenever two or more people consistently spend time together. Resolving conflict effectively and peacefully, in a way in which all parties feel respected and valued, does not feel natural for those of us who grew up with punitive, adversarial, or avoidant approaches to conflict. Eric offers some tips for approaching...

NVC Mediation Level 1 Training: Mediating Conflict for Yourself and Others (Complete Course)

Audio • 11 - 14 hours
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
11 - 14 hours
This telecourse recording provides an experience with the language, skills and consciousness of NVC applied to mediating all types of conflict whether you are one of the people in conflict or you are supporting others in conflict. The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.

Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Article • Read time: 7-10 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 7-10 minutes
When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath it all? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

Bridging the Gap: Practical Support for Parents of Grown Sons and Daughters (Complete Course)

Audio • 4 - 6 hours
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
4 - 6 hours
Learn tools to help you reconnect and repair your relationship with your adult children. Whether the issues are estrangement, lack of trust, conflict, dependence, miscommunication or any other challenge that impacts you with your grown sons and daughters, your heart will find comfort and ease through this course. The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.

Does Anyone Deserve Anything?

Article • Read time: 13 - 20 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 13 - 20 minutes
Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a...

Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

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