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NVC Resources on Demands


Making Demands

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.

Mediate Your Life: Resolving Internal Conflicts (Part 5)

Audio • 1 hour, 19 minutes • 10/28/2014
Audio
1 hour, 19 minutes
10/28/2014
If you wish you could stay more centered and present in the face of difficult or demanding situations, this course will provide some powerful tools for you. In this session, join John and Ike as they review the Chooser-Educator Process (C-E) and demonstrate the "Barriers in the Chairs" process to help you get beyond the obstacles that keep you from your goals.

Emotionally Exhausted? Try Empathy

Article • 2 - 4 minutes • 07/2012
Article
2 - 4 minutes
07/2012
Living in this ceaselessly demanding world, how do we recover from emotional exhaustion? The hopelessness of not being met in the world can leave us wrung out like an old mop. Our heart rate plummets, our blood pressure and respiration drop, and energy and information processing start slogging along. Instead, we can build the bridge of empathy for greater rejuvenation.

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 10/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
10/2019
Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our...

Honor Your Need to be Heard

Article • 2-3 minutes • 04/2019
Article
2-3 minutes
04/2019
When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand.

Unpacking OFNR - Requests

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 11/2020
Article
5 - 8 minutes
11/2020
Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the...

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 2/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
2/2021
Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Money, Value, and Our Choices

Article • 10 - 15 minutes • 11/2013
Article
10 - 15 minutes
11/2013
How much money to pay? And how much money to ask for? The supply and demand logic basically say that we ask for the most that “the market can absorb” and pay “the least that we can get away with.” We can instead, we can engage in experiments that focus on connecting to and satisfying needs. We can also engage with our varying degrees of access to resources within the existing economy and...

Demands vs Requests

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.

Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Article • 7-10 minutes • 10/2017
Article
7-10 minutes
10/2017
When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 7. Talk about Conflict When You’re Not in Conflict

Trainer Tip • 4 - 6 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
4 - 6 minutes
01/2016
Conflict is a normal and natural part of life. To varying degrees, it happens whenever two or more people consistently spend time together. Resolving conflict effectively and peacefully, in a way in which all parties feel respected and valued, does not feel natural for those of us who grew up with punitive, adversarial, or avoidant approaches to conflict. Eric offers some tips for approaching...

Foundational NVC Skills: Requests

Audio • 1 hour, 25 minutes • 11/15/2010
Audio
1 hour, 25 minutes
11/15/2010
Marshall Rosenberg suggests that there are two requests that are the most transformative to relationships, (1) What’s alive in both of us? and (2) What would make life more wonderful for both of us? This telecourse recording offers an easy-to-digest overview of how carefully crafted requests inspire joyful relationships.

Developing Compassion for Humans, Animals and All Life (4 Session Course)

Audio • 5 - 7 hours • 07/10/2012
Audio
5 - 7 hours
07/10/2012
Join LoraKim Joyner to investigate how merging science, the social and emotional intelligence of humans, animals and other species and Nonviolent Communication can bring a greater sense of belonging and wholeness to your life, and care and justice to the lives of others. The first part of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy: