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NVC Resources on Judgment

Releasing Our Judgments

Releasing Our Judgments

Releasing Our Judgments

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: It's impossible to value other people’s needs and remain compassionate if we simultaneously harbor judgments. If we're willing to shift this behavior we can translate our judgments into acknowledging how something affects us. Once I got into the habit of this, my judgments began to subside dramatically. It became easy to love people and feel compassion for them, and I experienced a...

Listening as an Essential Leadership Skill

Listening as an Essential Leadership Skill

Listening as an Essential Leadership Skill

with Lorraine Aguilar

Audio • 8 minutes • 08/08/2015

Audio
8 minutes
08/08/2015

Lorraine Aguilar perceives NVC-based listening to be an essential skill to cultivate for success in the business world. A key exercise for building your listening muscle is to work with your judgments of others by translating those judgments from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What's important to me?”

Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: Changing your thoughts can change the way people experience you. Just for today, see if you can notice when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself or other people. Then look to translate those thoughts into your feelings and needs. Read on for an example of how this works.

"I'm Not Good Enough" and Other Leadership Myths

"I'm Not Good Enough" and Other Leadership Myths

"I'm Not Good Enough" and Other Leadership Myths

with Roxy Manning

Article • 7-11 mins • 1/2010

Article
7-11 mins
1/2010

Do you yearn to step forward in leadership, but know you're holding back? Clinical psychologist, organizational consultant, and speaker, Roxy Manning, PhD, shows us that more than external factors, its our internal beliefs and fears that provide the main barrier to moving forward. She does this by taking us through three myths of leadership, and weaves in anecdotes to illustrate how tapping our...

Moralistic Judgments

Moralistic Judgments

Moralistic Judgments

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4-6 minutes • 05/2019

Article
4-6 minutes
05/2019

Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic:...

What is Nonviolent Communication?

What is Nonviolent Communication?

What is Nonviolent Communication?

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at...

Comparing Ourselves to Others

Comparing Ourselves to Others

Comparing Ourselves to Others

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: Comparisons are a form of judgment. The minute we compare ourselves to other people, we are setting ourselves up for pain and discouragement. We are setting them up too, and erecting a barrier between ourselves and them. Instead, notice how you feel about other people’s assets or foibles, and what needs come up for you. Read on for more.

Responding to Anger

Responding to Anger

Responding to Anger

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 5-8 minutes • 05/2018

Article
5-8 minutes
05/2018

When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite...

How to Enjoy Your Family Dinner

How to Enjoy Your Family Dinner

How to Enjoy Your Family Dinner

with Miki Kashtan

Audio • 49 minutes • 12/16/2013

Audio
49 minutes
12/16/2013

If you dread family gatherings because of family tensions, you can find ways to excavate through piles of hardened judgments and hopelessness, build on your inner strength, and engage with family conflicts with open-hearted curiosity, greater presence, and connecting with what really matters to everyone.

Groups Tip Series: How Can I Support More Collaboration?

Groups Tip Series: How Can I Support More Collaboration?

Groups Tip Series: How Can I Support More Collaboration?

with Miki Kashtan

Trainer Tip • 4 minutes • 07/07/2014

Trainer Tip
4 minutes
07/07/2014

It seems to me that people see ideas which are different from theirs as threatening. Instead of listening, the group polarizes around the different ideas and a lot of judgments develop, conflicts develop and people feel hurt. Forward progress becomes a battle ground. How can I support more collaboration?

Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: People often presume why something happened before checking with the other person. Instead, if we were to name the facts of what happened through observation without adding in our own judgments or reasons why we think it happened, we can more easily open the possibility for deeper connection with the other person. Read on for more on making observations.

Confronting with Care: An Approach that Builds Trust

Confronting with Care: An Approach that Builds Trust

Confronting with Care: An Approach that Builds Trust

with Martha Lasley

Article • 7 - 10 minutes • 11/2010

Article
7 - 10 minutes
11/2010

People find confrontation inspirational when done with full compassion and intention to support. To do this, transform your own judgments or distress, come with useful content plus spot-on timing, and the best interests of the receiver in mind. Read on for questions you can ask yourself in preparation for this, and more.

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4-6 minutes • 9/2/2021

Article
4-6 minutes
9/2/2021

The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

Saying Thank You without Judgment

Saying Thank You without Judgment

Saying Thank You without Judgment

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: From the NVC perspective, everything someone says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you". In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an appreciation in the form of judgment or evaluation. Remember, whether we judge someone as good or bad, judgments and evaluations can create disconnect or tension. Instead, notice how their actions have enriched life, and what...

Overcoming Defensiveness

Overcoming Defensiveness

Overcoming Defensiveness

with Miki Kashtan

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 05/2010

Article
5 - 7 minutes
05/2010

A big part of why receiving feedback is so challenging is because so few people around us know how to give feedback untainted with criticism, judgment, or our personal upset. But, if we wait for others to offer us usable, digestible, manageable feedback, we will not likely receive sufficient feedback for our growth and learning. Instead, we can grow in our capacity to fish the pearl that’s...

Observing without Judgment

Observing without Judgment

Observing without Judgment

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: Today, identify the facts, without adding your ideas about why people behave in certain ways. Then consider connecting with the person about what was going on with them. You will find that the more you observe life without judgment and evaluation, the more open you will be to hearing and connecting with other people.

We Don’t Need to Fix Other People

We Don’t Need to Fix Other People

We Don’t Need to Fix Other People

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: The very process of giving someone space to talk about their issue without our judgment, to be truly understood by us, and to be deeply heard is very healing, enough so that most people will organically find their own creative ways to resolve their issues. Rely on this process and you will lose all desire to fix people’s problems. Try this out today.

Enemy Images

Enemy Images

Enemy Images

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: Judging others can affect our ability to communicate effectively with that person, or enjoy the relationship. Translating the static judgments (enemy images) we have of others into our own and others' feelings and needs can help us move into greater understanding, healing, and relief -- which can foster compassion and connection. Read on for more.

Getting Past Our Judgments

Getting Past Our Judgments

Getting Past Our Judgments

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 07/25/2005

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
07/25/2005

Trainer Tip: Using NVC as a tool to transform our judgments can revolutionize our perceptions and relationships.

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