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NVC Resources with Mary Mackenzie



Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Changing your thoughts can change the way people experience you. Just for today, see if you can notice when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself or other people. Then look to translate those thoughts into your feelings and needs. Read on for an example of how this works.

Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and stagnation. Instead, bringing in more self compassion can increase opportunities for change. Do this by acknowledging your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. Read on for how to do this.

Being the Change We Seek

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Is there something you would like more of in your life right now? Try not to look to other people to provide the kind of experiences you want. Can you think of a way that you can be the change you seek? See if responding to the people the way you would want them to respond to you shifts something. Read on for an example of how.

Honesty Is the Key

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and a chance for others to support us in getting our needs met -- this can flourish and deepen our relationships. We can notice and act on opportunities to be honest with the components of OFNR (Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests).

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: When we sympathize, we relate an aspect of someone’s story to ourselves. When we empathize, we reflect the feelings and needs of the other. Empathy helps people connect more deeply to their own and another’s pain, and helps resolve issues with clarity and ease. Notice when you're giving someone sympathy rather than empathy.

Making Demands

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.

A Focus on Needs

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
There are endless ways to meet our needs. Conflict occurs when we argue over strategies. When we actively value everyone’s needs, we foster openness and deeper connection in our relationships. Today look for opportunities to focus on needs in order to resolve an issue with at least one person.

Defining Needs

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
In NVC we define needs as resources that life requires to sustain itself. All human beings have the same needs. The strategy is what we do to meet that need. Strategies are specific; we all choose unique ways to meet our needs. The more we can see the difference between the two, the more likely we are to resolve conflicts with ease. Today, look for opportunities to notice the difference in the...

Four Ways to Hear Any Message

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: In every interaction, we have a choice of responding in one of these four ways: judge/blame self, Judge/blame others, empathize with self, and/or empathize with others. The goal is to make a conscious choice about our response. Notice the choices you have when you receive someone’s communication today.

Hearing the Yes behind the No

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: It's often easy for us to hear rejection when someone says “no” to us. If we focus on the rejection, we may feel hurt and fail to take the time to understand what is going on with them. However, if we focus on their feelings and needs, we're more likely to uncover what they want and what prevents them. To increase success in resolving conflicts and find solutions that work for...

Saying Thank You without Judgment

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: From the NVC perspective, everything someone says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you". In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an appreciation in the form of judgment or evaluation. Remember, whether we judge someone as good or bad, judgments and evaluations can create disconnect or tension. Instead, notice how their actions have enriched life, and what...

Interdependence vs. Dependence/Independence

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: NVC consciousness recognizes interdependence. In this process each person is autonomous; everyone's needs matter; people have choice and responsibility for their actions; there's abundance, and a valuing of coming together. The dependence / independence paradigm assumes we either need someone else to be whole -- or we don’t need others at all. Commit to living autonomously. Notice...

Defining Enough

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: If you have a goal, want to be a "success", or want to do "your best', define what that would look like, and how much. Identify one goal and one thing you can do today to achieve that goal and do it.

How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.

Opening to Intimacy

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you have behavioral patterns that block intimacy? When we are feeling our most vulnerable, we often want intimacy but also tend to keep it at bay. Acknowledge your need for intimacy, and find people you can trust to love you as you are.

Connection, Connection, Connection

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

 
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