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NVC Resources on Feelings


Feelings vs. Thoughts Vocabulary Builder

Practice Exercise • 10 minutes • 09/11/2018
Practice Exercise
10 minutes
09/11/2018
This ten question exercise will help build your feelings vocabulary. It is helpful to differentiate between words that describe what we think others are doing around us, and words that describe actual feelings. These "faux feelings" often reveal more about how we think others are behaving than what we are actually feeling ourselves. Feeling words are always about us, not the other person.

Feelings vs Interpretations

Article • 1-2 minutes • 04/2020
Article
1-2 minutes
04/2020
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

The Cause of Our Feelings

with John Kinyon and Miki Kashtan
Trainer Tip • 3-5 minutes • Circa 2007
Trainer Tip
3-5 minutes
Circa 2007
Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

Learning Tool • N/A • 2013
Learning Tool
N/A
2013
This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Evaluations vs. Feelings

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Beware that your expression of feelings helps you own how you feel, rather than blaming the other person for doing something you see as wrong. Expressing your feelings helps the other person know how deeply this issue affects you. Plus it can bring more clarity and connection to all parties. Read on for more.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 9. Make Poetry Out of Empathy

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
01/2016
Nonviolent Communication includes a practice of empathy that involves listening for feelings and needs no matter how someone expresses themselves, and reflecting back the feelings and needs when it is helpful to do so. You can reflect back in a traditional NVC manner, or in a more creative way, with metaphors.

Stimulus vs. Cause

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Notice how the exact same actions can stimulate different feelings depending on if your needs are met or unmet. So while what people say or do is the stimulus, the actual cause of our feelings comes from our met or unmet needs. Read on for more on this.

Unappreciated is NOT a Feeling

Video • 2 minutes • 05/13/2011
Video
2 minutes
05/13/2011
Unappreciated, Judged, Disrespected, Offended, Manipulated... people use these words to describe feelings but these are all words that describe interpretations instead. They're also words that get people's backs up. Talk about unproductive! The solution? Develop a vocabulary of feelings so you can minimize defensiveness in others and facilitate connection.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 24. Shine a Light on Your Shadow: Projection Detection and Reclaiming Disowned Parts

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
01/2016
How do you know when you’re projecting disowned parts or replaying old relationship dynamics? It’s hard to know for sure, but if you find yourself upset or shutting down and unable to have a dialogue in which you can speak clearly about your feelings and needs and empathize with the other’s feelings and needs, there is likely a projection. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are...

Empathy Doesn’t Mean Agreement

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Empathy is about being present to a person’s feelings and needs. It is acknowledging another’s experience, not necessarily agreeing with it. If you have a different opinion than another, empathize with her first. Then, state your feelings and needs with regard to the situation.

Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 12/2004
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
12/2004
During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.

Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: Our particular needs and expectations in the moment, influences how we feel. So if you are feeling hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed, try to consider what your unmet needs are, and see if there are other ways you can get them met. Today, track how your needs affect your feelings.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 7. Talk about Conflict When You’re Not in Conflict

Trainer Tip • 4 - 6 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
4 - 6 minutes
01/2016
Conflict is a normal and natural part of life. To varying degrees, it happens whenever two or more people consistently spend time together. Resolving conflict effectively and peacefully, in a way in which all parties feel respected and valued, does not feel natural for those of us who grew up with punitive, adversarial, or avoidant approaches to conflict. Eric offers some tips for approaching...

How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.

The Three Stages of Emotional Liberation

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Read on for the three stages of emotional maturity. In the third stage, we integrate the first two stages. We come to realize that everyone is responsible for their own feelings, but we also recognize our role if we do something that stimulates pain in another person. We also start to value the needs of everyone, rather than just one party's needs over the other.

Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC

with Inbal Kashtan and Miki Kashtan
Learning Tool • 3 pages • 2008
Learning Tool
3 pages
2008
NVC practice is based on several key assumptions and intentions. When we live based on these assumptions and intentions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly possible and easy, helping us contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are attended to peacefully.

Embodying Compassion Exercise

Practice Exercise • 30 minutes • 9/5/2021
Practice Exercise
30 minutes
9/5/2021
Grow your compassionate presence with this 3-process exercise. The processes include: Connecting to and feeling the Life Impulse meditation, Creating your own inner space of compassionate presence exercise, and the Compassionately Embracing visualization. These processes will guide you toward deeper self connection and compassionate presence.

A List of Feelings We All Have (Emotions and Sensations)

Learning Tool • N/A • 2019
Learning Tool
N/A
2019
The following list of words are used to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to help you develop your emotional vocabulary and further support your communication with others.