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NVC Resources on Attention


Getting Our Need for Love Met

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: List specific things that would signify love to you. Based on who the other person is and who you are, how could your need for love be met? Being specific is important. General statements, such as “I just want you to love me” or “I would like you to be more attentive and listen to me more” won’t work. (S)he may already think (s)he is attentive. What would being attentive look like...

Practicing Non-Reactivity

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 3/2019
Article
3 - 5 minutes
3/2019
For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing your attention for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this....

Inviting Depth in Conversation

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 6/2018
Article
3 - 5 minutes
6/2018
Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent attentive connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present...

The Radical Act of Reclaiming Attention

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 06/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
06/2019
Given all that we are facing today as a society and a species, amongst some of the things we need is a well nourished heart. To nourish our hearts we need to discern where to wisely put our attention. Here are three practices to reclaim your attention, and replenish your reserves, so that you have the inner resources to do the work that is calling you. They are: train the mind, nourish the...

Using an Anchor in Self-Empathy

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 4/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
4/2019
An anchor awakens parts of you that can access a bigger perspective. Also, it can reduce your reactivity, increase conscious relating, and support self-compassion. An anchor helps you get a little bit bigger than the reactivity you are experiencing so that you can access a wiser discernment. It is simple, and can be done anytime and anywhere. Learn to direct your attention to develop your...

Paying Attention In Troubled Times

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 03/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
03/2019
Our world is facing stressful times. And the more stress you experience, the less resourced you can become. But consider that you're not messed up, but rather, the challenges you bear is a response to manufactured environments and culture that are more hostile than they are kind towards our human souls and bodies. And so, let’s be clear. Let’s be discerning. Let’s be compassionate. Let’s pay...

Connecting with Spiritual Clarity

with Jim Manske
Article • 2 - 3 minutes • 11/2019
Article
2 - 3 minutes
11/2019
We can cultivate spiritual clarity through bringing attention to our intentions, mourning, gratitude, and the dynamic flow of feelings and needs. This can bring more autonomy, choice and liberate the energy of connection and contribution. We can also awaken our hearts to see the reality that our well-being is mutually interdependent. Read on for more.

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

Article • 4-6 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
4-6 minutes
9/2/2021
The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 8/2021
Article
8 - 12 minutes
8/2021
To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries

Article • 8-12 minutes • 11/2019
Article
8-12 minutes
11/2019
Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Can the Social Order Be Transformed through Personal Practice? The Case of Nonviolent Communication - Part 1 of 2

Article • 15 - 23 minutes • 09/2019
Article
15 - 23 minutes
09/2019
By focusing on NVC process and practice without factoring in the interdependent, systemic dimension we unwittingly diminish the power of NVC. We reinforce the dominant paradigm, rather than challenging it -- making NVC one more tool for compliance. NVC principles can turn against its own purpose in cruel ways. NVC could also empower social change. We'll need our attention on this matter if we...

Empathy Hurdles

Article • 2 pages • 11/01/2012
Article
2 pages
11/01/2012
I want to hear others through the lens of the meaning their actions have for them rather than through the effect their actions have on me. The very root of empathy resides in this fundamental shift. Whenever someone’s actions are at odds with our own needs, most of us, most of the time, do the latter. In that way, we keep our attention on ourselves rather than on the other person. We cannot be...

Calling Out / Calling In

Article • 12 - 18 minutes • 03/2019
Article
12 - 18 minutes
03/2019
When someone's in immense pain and uses words that are hard to hear, see if you can bring in as much attention and compassion as you would to someone who was cut with a sword. Focusing on what's important to them, and not so much on how it was said. This may support greater understanding and healing. Otherwise, we risk prioritizing needs, norms, and inequities of the dominant culture, over...

Heartbreak For Self And The World Holding Our Broken Hearts With Compassion

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 02/2012
Article
3 - 5 minutes
02/2012
When we're received with resonant understanding painful moments can lessen their charge and became part of the whole tapestry of life -- important but no longer able to hijack us into the eternal re-run of pain. When held this way, we can touch the memories with our attention the way one touches a newly repaired tooth with the tongue, searching for the old roughness, the old wound, but not...

Why Don’t They Get It?

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 08/2018
Article
5 - 8 minutes
08/2018
What can we do when someone tells us we're contributing to a pattern we're genuinely not seeing (nor experiencing)? What makes these patterns visible to some people but not others? This article addresses these things by talking about what to factor in when receiving feedback; handling feedback; responding relationally; paying attention to social location; considering impact; plus, broadening...

Marshall Rosenberg's Vision of Social Change

Article • 12 - 18 minutes • 12/2017
Article
12 - 18 minutes
12/2017
What could be, more often than not, overlooked when we think about or represent NVC or Marshall Rosenberg's work? This article busts some commonly held ideas and approaches to NVC. It challenges us to widen the lens of what it really means to be "life-serving", or speaking and hearing the "language of life". And it also speaks to how thinking can deepen feeling and relatedness...

Motivation Through Joy

Trainer Tip • 1-2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1-2 minutes
10/2005
Pay attention to when you're motivated by guilt, duty, obligation, shame, and worry. How do you feel? Does it bring up resentment, rebellion, submission, reactivity or resistance? When you're motivated by joy notice how that feels, and how others respond. Read on for a related story.

The Cause of Our Feelings

with John Kinyon and Miki Kashtan
Trainer Tip • 3-5 minutes • Circa 2007
Trainer Tip
3-5 minutes
Circa 2007
Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”