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NVC Resources on Shame


Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 
Article
3 - 5 minutes
What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy...
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The Paradox Of Why

The Paradox Of Why

The Paradox Of Why

with Miki Kashtan
Article • 9-13 minutes • 
Article
9-13 minutes
So often we're habituated to associate a “why” question with being reproached, blamed or shamed – and so defensiveness arises. However, in order to maintain a flow of understanding and collaboration, we need to hear and say the “why” while finding other ways to ask for it. Here we look at how to ask questions that bring each of us vital information that can open up discovery and learning, for...
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Healing the Blame that Binds

Healing the Blame that Binds

Healing the Blame that Binds

with Kelly Bryson
Article • 4 -6 minutes • 
Article
4 -6 minutes
Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice." As long as I keep the big bony finger of blame pointed in your direction, I can remain unaware of the fact that it is what I am telling myself about your behavior that is stimulating my painful reactions.
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You’re Not A Bad Person: How Facing Privilege Can Be Liberating

You’re Not A Bad Person: How Facing Privilege Can Be Liberating

You’re Not A Bad Person: How Facing Privilege Can Be Liberating

with Miki Kashtan
Article • 17 - 25 minutes • 
Article
17 - 25 minutes
When we have privilege, we can have access to resources resulting from legal or social norms related to membership in a group -- independent of any (in)action, awareness of the disparity, the potential benefits to us, or the costs to others. Unhelpful ways of engaging with privilege are: denial/invisibility, guilt/shame, defensiveness, and entitlement. Helpful ways of engaging are: owning...
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Healing Addiction With Unconscious Contract Work

Healing Addiction With Unconscious Contract Work

Healing Addiction With Unconscious Contract Work

with Sarah Peyton
Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 
Article
5 - 8 minutes
An addiction to something (eg. opioids, fats, sugars, salts, cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, etc.) or a compulsion (eg. gambling, shopping, working, sex or love addictions) is often an unconscious attempt to soothe trauma - fear, loneliness and shame that's frozen in unconscious memory. The addiction or compulsion is a substitute for what we really need. It is an endless craving that's never...
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Can We Un-Skew Resource Distribution?

Can We Un-Skew Resource Distribution?

Can We Un-Skew Resource Distribution?

with Miki Kashtan
Article • 14 - 21 minutes • 
Article
14 - 21 minutes
In learning how to re-invent the economic system so that it distributes resources in a way that includes as many people's needs as possible, we would need to be in a process of mutual influence with one another. However, addressing resource distribution can be complex when people in different social locations have 1.)a different sense of what's considered "enough" 2.) different capacities to...
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What is the Shadow?

What is the Shadow?

What is the Shadow?

with Eric Bowers
Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 
Article
4 - 6 minutes
What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, understand or even notice? What parts do others have difficulty embracing, understanding or noticing? Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge, blame or feel shame around certain needs, feelings and parts of self and/or others? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves and others that shapes views and behaviours.
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The Power of Authenticity + Care

The Power of Authenticity + Care

The Power of Authenticity + Care

with Roxy Manning
Article • 9 - 13 minutes • 
Article
9 - 13 minutes
When we're on the receiving end of pain-stimulating assumptions, a microaggression, or prejudice --when we're reactive and resultingly have self-doubt, guilt or shame in ourselves-- is it possible to be intensely authentic while holding care for everyone in the situation? Can we effectively do this even as a third party witnesses to these things? Self-empathy, empathy, and a commitment to...
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Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 3-5 minutes • 
Article
3-5 minutes
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.
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Embracing Your Emotions: Honoring the Wisdom of BIG Emotions (3 Session Course)

Embracing Your Emotions: Honoring the Wisdom of BIG Emotions (3 Session Course)

Embracing Your Emotions: Honoring the Wisdom of BIG Emotions (3 Session Course)

with Christine King
Audio • 3 - 4 hours • 
Audio
3 - 4 hours
Listen to this short 3 session telecourse recording with CNVC Certified Trainer Christine King, and you will learn how to honor the wisdom that your anger, fear, shame and other BIG emotions have for you.
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Moving Towards Life-Serving Responsibility in NVC

Moving Towards Life-Serving Responsibility in NVC

Moving Towards Life-Serving Responsibility in NVC

with Bob Wentworth
Article • 11 - 26 minutes • 
Article
11 - 26 minutes
In the "obnoxious stage" we care for our needs in a way that doesn't respect others' needs. In the "emotional liberation" stage we fully care for others' needs as much as our own—while being free of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation. Often NVC training teaches us how to achieve the latter stage without the former. For greater compassion we can be more rigorous in how we talk about...
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The Compass - Awakening to the Journey from You to Yourself

The Compass - Awakening to the Journey from You to Yourself

The Compass - Awakening to the Journey from You to Yourself

with Arnina Kashtan
Audio • 1 hour, 21 minutes • 
Audio
1 hour, 21 minutes
Enjoy listening in as Arnina assists participants in fine tuning what they wish for their futures, and what practices they intend to embrace as the course winds down. She also offers strategies for what they can do if they forget their intended practice, and revisits the importance of untangling Needs from Core Belief.
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