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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé



Finding Security in the Face of Fear

Article • 4-6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
4-6 minutes
In pandemic we can notice where we seek security. For some, financial systems that seemed to offer security have suddenly become unpredictable. For others, living without such privilege, resources are even more difficult to access. And we become more vulnerable to illness and death. These changes can trigger fear, but also motivate choices that contribute to a sense of security. Read on for...

How To Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment

Article • 5-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5-9 minutes
Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms...

Feelings vs Interpretations

Article • 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
1-2 minutes
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

Setting Boundaries with Attraction

Article • 3-5 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
3-5 minutes
Attraction to others is neither good nor bad. Although it's pleasurable it doesn’t necessarily help with wise discernment. When it arises, it's up to you to engage in wise discernment about how you manage it. This guide provides practices and points of focus to engage your own attraction in a way that holds more choice about what will meet needs for yourself and others, and what role attraction...

How to Stay Calm During a Pandemic

Article • 5-8 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
5-8 minutes
As social beings we thrive with social contact and community. Thus, with the social isolation and a loss of routine that happens in a pandemic, there are three critical areas to keep in mind everyday: emotional-physiological regulation, self-empathy for fear and anxiety, and meaningful engagement. Read on for more.

Setting Boundaries with Reactivity

Article • 4-6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4-6 minutes
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...

Responding to Unwanted Feedback from Peers

Article • 6-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
6-9 minutes
When someone offers continual unsoliticed feedback or advice, setting a boundary may not be easy if you care about how they might hear you. And if you don't set a boundary, you may eventually become resentful and say something you regret. Instead, here are six ways to respond, with varying degrees of effectiveness.

Working with Subtle Boundary Violations

Article • 7-11 minutes
Applied NVC
Article
7-11 minutes
Subtle boundary violations are more difficult to catch and name in the moment, than obvious boundary violations. Becoming more aware of these moments and finding the words to set a boundary are critical to supporting healthy relating long-term. Three categories of subtle boundary violations are (1.) lack of mutuality, (2.) voice tone and volume, and (3.) speaking for or about someone. Read on...

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Article • 4-6 minutes
Advanced Skill Level
Article
4-6 minutes
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic:...

How to Ask for Responsiveness

Article • 3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
If it's a tender topic and/or you are looking for a particular level of responsiveness, you can let listeners know what you want back before you share -- or you can ask them for a particular kind of response right after you share. The more you can do this, the more it can create supportive relationships in your life. Read on for ways to ask for a particular kind of responsiveness to meet...

Honor Your Need to be Heard

Article • 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2-3 minutes
When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand.

Responding to Anger

Article • 5-8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5-8 minutes
When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite...

Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries

Article • 8-12 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
8-12 minutes
Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Help for Overwhelm

Article • 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
Reducing overwhelm requires you to reconnect with your authentic choice, be present and compassionate with what's happening, heal trauma, and interrupt the trauma response. Read on for ways that may help you reconnect with your choice, presence and more on trauma.

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Article • 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

Article • 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

 
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