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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé


Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 11/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
11/2020
What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators...

Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 11/2020
Article
4 - 6 minutes
11/2020
The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers,...

Grief and Mourning for the World

Article • 5-7 minutes • 10/2020
Article
5-7 minutes
10/2020
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give...

3 Key Principles for Successful Needs Based Negotiation

Article • 5-7 minutes • 09/2020
Article
5-7 minutes
09/2020
There are many layers of consciousness, knowledge, and skill that contribute to a successful negotiation. A successful negotiation is one where honor and connection lead to a way forward, and leads to a plan of action that considers and meets everyone's needs in that situation. Read on for three fundamental principles that help with successful needs-based negotiation.

Free Your Heart From the "Difficult" Person

Article • 6-9 minutes • 02/2020
Article
6-9 minutes
02/2020
Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.

Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

Article • 6-9 minutes • 07/2020
Article
6-9 minutes
07/2020
When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take...

The Mobilizing Power of Anger

Article • 3-5 minutes • 06/2020
Article
3-5 minutes
06/2020
Anger can result in violence or in a movement towards positive change. We can see this happen in the push for racial justice. When you perceive anger as a form of violence your nervous system becomes activated. Your perspective narrows and old conditioning can take over leading to overwhelm, defensiveness, hatred, or violence. Read on for four ways to to respond to our own or others' anger in a...

3 Strategies for Working With Worry

Article • 4-6 minutes • 08/2020
Article
4-6 minutes
08/2020
Follow worry to the underlying universal need and discern wise action. To get there, we can try out prayer, wishes, savoring the need, or compassionate witnessing. If you notice and name the aspects of worry continuously, the compassionate witnessing practice will interrupt the habitual spinning of worry-filled stories. There are at least six things you can witness with curiosity. Read on for...

What Does It Mean To Be Sensitive, Not Reactive?

Article • 2-3 minutes • 07/2020
Article
2-3 minutes
07/2020
Reactivity is the misperception of threat coupled with lack of access to compassion and wisdom. Sensitivity is an ability to deeply perceive data, plus consciously attend to and attune to data, as it comes through the five senses. It can be a gift. If you lack the skill to care for any of your sensitivity-overwhelm by setting boundaries, you may develop reactive habits, like suddenly...

Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

Article • 3-5 minutes • 07/2020
Article
3-5 minutes
07/2020
The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with...

Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries From Requests

Article • 3-5 minutes • 05/2020
Article
3-5 minutes
05/2020
For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.

Finding Security in the Face of Fear

Article • 4-6 minutes • 04/2020
Article
4-6 minutes
04/2020
In pandemic we can notice where we seek security. For some, financial systems that seemed to offer security have suddenly become unpredictable. For others, living without such privilege, resources are even more difficult to access. And we become more vulnerable to illness and death. These changes can trigger fear, but also motivate choices that contribute to a sense of security. Read on for...

How To Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment

Article • 5-9 minutes • 04/2020
Article
5-9 minutes
04/2020
Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms...

Feelings vs Interpretations

Article • 1-2 minutes • 04/2020
Article
1-2 minutes
04/2020
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

Setting Boundaries with Attraction

Article • 3-5 minutes • 09/2019
Article
3-5 minutes
09/2019
Attraction to others is neither good nor bad. Although it's pleasurable it doesn’t necessarily help with wise discernment. When it arises, it's up to you to engage in wise discernment about how you manage it. This guide provides practices and points of focus to engage your own attraction in a way that holds more choice about what will meet needs for yourself and others, and what role attraction...

How to Stay Calm During a Pandemic (COVID-19)

Article • 5-8 minutes • 03/2020
Article
5-8 minutes
03/2020
As social beings we thrive with social contact and community. Thus, with the social isolation and a loss of routine that is happening in the COVD-19 pandemic, there are three critical areas to keep in mind everyday: emotional-physiological regulation, self-empathy for fear and anxiety, and meaningful engagement.

Setting Boundaries with Reactivity

Article • 4-6 minutes • 12/2019
Article
4-6 minutes
12/2019
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...