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Making Requests and Avoiding Demands

Practice Exercise •  5 - 10 minutes
All Skill Levels
Practice Exercise
5 - 10 minutes

Sylvia Haskvitz offers a practical and effective approach to making requests. Learn the two questions that can clarify your motivation for making a request, three ways to discern a request from a demand, and five possible reasons for meeting requests.


Demands vs Requests

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.


Life-Alienating Communication

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.


Making Demands

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.


Improving Relationships as a Primary Goal

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: We can improve our relationships by focusing our attention first on connection instead of other stragegies.


Persisting vs. Demanding

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Persisting without demanding is the art of what Marshall Rosenberg fondly called "Dogging for our needs." We can learn to not give up on our needs and at the same time, refrain from demanding they be met.


Every Angry Message is a "Please"

Trainer Tip •  1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Anger can be an opportunity to hear the "Please" behind the words and create a path to resolve conflicts compassionately.


Embracing Jackal Thoughts

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Ask the Trainer: "In trainings I say our jackals are thoughts and now I've come to wonder if all thoughts are jackals...?"


NVC Tools: Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests

with

Wes Taylor

Video •  28 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Video
28 minutes

In this introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Wes Taylor discusses the two basic aspects of NVC, the consciousness and the tools that help manifest the consciousness.


Introduction to Using NVC in Parenting

Video •  38 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Video
38 minutes

In this brief video, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, offers a succinct and insightful overview for using Nonviolent Communication in your parenting role.


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