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3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 07/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other person is more likely to collaborate.


Mourning Our Way to Acceptance

Article  • 7 - 11 minutes • 04/2013
Beginner Skill Level
Article
7 - 11 minutes

When something happens that we don't like no amount of resentment nor magical thinking will make it disappear. Instead, we can mourn to dissolve our own resistance, resentment, and numbness of resignation. Mourning can allow us to feel pain with acceptance, and without needing to be okay with what happened. Acceptance can bring us to a place where even all the anguish in the world is fully, part of life.


Let it RAIN!

with Jim Manske
Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 02/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

This article outlines a four-part transformation process to help us recognize what's giving rise to our suffering and resentment -- and transform it into more freedom, creativity, and choice.


Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Article  • 7-10 minutes • 10/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
7-10 minutes

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...


Motivation Through Joy

Trainer Tip  • 1-2 minutes • 10/2005
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1-2 minutes
Pay attention to when you're motivated by guilt, duty, obligation, shame, and worry. How do you feel? Does it bring up resentment, rebellion, submission, reactivity or resistance? When you're motivated by joy notice how that feels, and how others respond. Read on for a related story.

How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip  • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.


Enemy Images

Trainer Tip  • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: Judging others can affect our ability to communicate effectively with that person, or enjoy the relationship. Translating the static judgments (enemy images) we have of others into our own and others' feelings and needs can help us move into greater understanding, healing, and relief -- which can foster compassion and connection. Read on for more.


Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Trainer Tip  • 2 - 3 minutes • 12/2004
Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.


Engage Your Curiosity

Trainer Tip  • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: When someone acts in baffling ways we can either wonder about what’s going on with the other person, create our own stories about it (blame, resent, make assumptions), or inform ourselves by asking. This is an opportunity to learn something new.


Self-Righteous Anger

Trainer Tip  • 1 - 2 minutes • 08/31/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Have you ever noticed that some of your behaviors ensure that your needs for peace and relief won’t be met? Take judgments for instance. The more we have, the less peaceful and happy we feel.


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