Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

Trainer Tip: When faced with doing a task that doesn't seem fun try saying to yourself something to the effect of “I do this activity because I value...”. Complete the sentence with related needs, then ask yourself if you still want to complete the task. This can take the demand out of the tasks. Next, choose accordingly. This can teach you about, or give you more access to, true choice in life.

Whenever we make mistakes, we're often beating ourself up in a way that breeds guilt, fear and/or shame. Nonviolent Communication offers a model based in self-empathy that lets you reflect, process and move forward without the guilt, fear and shame.

Notice when you start to defend. Is your body tensing up? Feeling desperate for the other to understand you or your intentions? Find yourself explaining your behavior, giving all the good reasons why you did what you did? Trying to convince the other of your good intentions? If so, ask yourself: “Is this what I want to be doing right now? Is this really helping?” then practice one of these eight options.

Trainer Tip: One of the swiftest ways to close our hearts is having judgmental thinking or looking to get our way. How open are you when you’re in this mode? The goal in peaceful living is to approach our relationships with an open heart. Start conversations today with an intention to connect with other people.

The energy of the most private events of our lives (such as sex) can ripple out and affect everything we do, like the ripples of a rock thrown in a pond. Instead of segregating -or sometimes denying- parts of ourselves, we can bring our blind spots and our shadows in self and relationships into the light. Having growth in a private life can transfer onto other areas of life.

Trainer Tip: The world’s people are consuming more of earth's resources at an astronomical speed. This is a form of violence, of not valuing everyone’s needs. Respect and support everything that lives, including yourself. How you can take less from earth’s resources and replenish more so that earth can flourish? Even if its small, take action today to support earth’s sustainability.

Gratitude keeps us connected to what is working, rather than dwelling on what is not working. As a celebration – gratitude keeps us connected to the natural joy of giving. Receiving gratitude also serves the function of feedback, and lets us know that we are effectively contributing.

Trainer Tip: Strive for win-win resolutions where no one loses. Try this rather than deciding things by the majority or compromise, where one or more parties feel dissatisfied with the resolution because it involves an element of giving in. An alternative is shifting; both people connect to the needs they are trying to meet, and in doing so, one person makes an honest shift to contribute to the other person’s needs and life.

Our craving for love, acceptance, and approval can lead us to show only parts of ourselves and hide others. This lack of authenticity breeds disconnection and mistrust, leading to those very needs not being met. Once I accept myself, being authentic is easier. And then people in my life can love me for who I really am, warts and all.

“Nonviolence” is not just a political tactic. It is a “soul force”. It is the force of love meeting and transforming what appears to not be love. It is speaking and listening with courage, compassion, and an open heart and mind and rooted in our truth in a way that bridges understanding. And doing so without demand nor trying to convince -- all in the face of any anger, fear, oppression, inequality, violence or disagreement.