Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

We can see anger as an alarm or signal that can inform us that unmet needs require attention, or that we hold judgements. We can shift our own anger in several healthy ways: get present, identify the stimulus and any judgements or unmet needs, look for ways to meet our needs, make requests that support our needs, express our needs to ourselves and appropriate others, and more.

Trainer Tip: Punitive use of force stems from a belief that people behave in certain ways because they're bad, and that they need to be punished to mend their ways. One way to punish is to judge them. In contrast, protective use of force stems from a desire to prevent injury or injustice. It focuses on protecting people’s rights and well-being, not judging their behavior.

Trainer Tip: Notice where you're judging or blaming people for not meeting your needs. Strive instead to notice and name the related feelings and needs longing to be met. Ask a question to check with the other person about what they want and need. This can open up the conversation towards mutually beneficial solutions.

Learn to speak NVC using your own voice and increase ease and flow in all your personal and professional conversations. This 7-session telecourse recording with renowned trainer Miki Kashtan is designed to help you integrate NVC into all aspects of your life by gaining fluency in your practice of NVC and by embodying the principles regardless of the words you use. This course is based on intensive practice and coaching with real-life examples from participants’ lives.

Trainer Tip: One of the swiftest ways to close our hearts is having judgmental thinking or looking to get our way. How open are you when you’re in this mode? The goal in peaceful living is to approach our relationships with an open heart. Start conversations today with an intention to connect with other people.

Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only then choose what actions to meet needs.

Often patients need enough emotional space to reduce any inner stuckness in their situation. They need to do this before they can adequately absorb information or effectively take next steps. Empathy can help with this. Empathy requires an intention to connect non-judgmentally. This gets better with practice. Read on for examples of how a situation can play out with, and without, empathy. And the difference it makes in healthcare.