Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?

In this potent audio, expert trainer Miki Kashtan demonstrates the eye-opening experience of translating judgments into needs. She works with a mother who is stuck in a loop of feeling judged by family members and judging them back.

Using her own and participants' examples, Inbal illuminates parents on where they might be struggling with connecting to their children's needs, especially in situations where the children are responding to the parent's request.

Inbal clarifies the difference between needs and strategies, and why the distinction is important in our parenting role. She offers two questions to ask yourself if you're not certain whether something is a need or strategy.

Have you been nice? Well then you must be enjoying the reward: depression, intermittent explosiveness, job meaninglessness, ambiguous anxiety, low resentment and subtle self hate. The antidotes: honesty, passion and compassion.

Kelly Bryson, CNVC Certified Trainer known for teaching people how to live authentically, focuses this audio on honesty: how to express what you're most afraid to say, when honesty is the best choice to support connection and how to employ "naked" honesty.

Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

Ask the Trainer: “I heard a trainer say once that the ‘to be’ verbs aren’t really needs, such as to be heard, to be understood or to be valued. Can you help me understand why not?”

John Cunningham provides support to deepen your understanding and practice of NVC, including a sketch of the participatory and onlooker modes of consciousness, lists of feelings, needs and sample dialogues.

Ask the Trainer: "What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap?"