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Ask the Trainer: Can all needs be met when illness limits the capacity of one person to meet the needs of her partner?

Ask the Trainer: "Could you explore why people 'talk too much' and how I could connect with them and myself empathically when I'm also talking too much?"

Ask the Trainer: "Could you share a list of types of requests, with examples of each and a possible strategy for formulating requests in conversation?"

Ask the Trainer: "A participant in our beginners' NVC practice group asked the co-facilitators if there was a confidentiality agreement that was typically used in NVC practice groups?"

Ask the Trainer: "I'm part of a small, self-led NVC group that's been working together for almost two years. We are experiencing some growing pains in that we're still not certain how and under what circumstances to make requests, especially negative ones."

We can ask for what we want but if we repeatedly don’t get it from one source, it's our responsibility to find a new way to get it. We don’t honor our relationships when we insist that people who are unavailable or unwilling to support us meet our needs. Read on for related a parable about a woman persistently asking to get milk from a hardware store.

It's important to make requests specific and doable. Also, without a swift request immediately after we state our observation, feeling, and need in regard to the situation, the other person is left guessing what we want. Instead, a swift request can bring clarity and lessen the potential for the listener to become defensive or argue.

Trainer Tip: A request completes the communication by stating specifically what we would like from someone else to meet our need. Without this clarity, our communication can be confusing and can easily be seen as a demand. When people know what you want, you have a better chance of meeting your needs. Make clear, specific, doable requests of people, and see if this increases the chance of meeting your needs. Read on for an example.

Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

Trainer Tip: When you make a request of someone, you don't diminish your relationship; you enhance it. If you receive a "no" to your request, consider brainstorming a different strategy that would meet your needs. It isn’t a sign of weakness to clarify what you would like. It helps you commit to living a full and joyful life. Look for opportunities to clarify your requests.