Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

This audio training with expert trainer Rita Herzog explores the NVC alternative to family relationships: stay grounded in your own needs and values so you are able to reach out with empathy to family members.

When Rita first learned about silent empathy she didn't know how soon she'd try it out. She was visiting her daughter and making comments about her life, analyzing her behavior, giving her unsolicited view on everything.

This exercise is most often the first activity in a beginning level workshop after the usual logistics/history/check-in. Penny Wassman experiences it as an opportunity for people to build connection with one another.

Often patients need enough emotional space to reduce any inner stuckness in their situation. They need to do this before they can adequately absorb information or effectively take next steps. Empathy can help with this. Empathy requires an intention to connect non-judgmentally. This gets better with practice. Read on for examples of how a situation can play out with, and without, empathy. And the difference it makes in healthcare.

Trainer Tip: "I often hear people say that someone did something because of a need for control. Control is actually a strategy that is often confused with a need."

Trainer Tip: "Sometimes we are dissatisfied in our primary relationship, yet the thought of making a change is scary, so we stay in it. Sometimes we think we're afraid to learn the truth, so we don't ask direct questions."

Trainer Tip: Have you ever noticed how often we back up when we find ourselves in a conflict? Or how much we try to pull away when someone is angry or in emotional pain?

Trainer Tip: Anger can be an opportunity to hear the "Please" behind the words and create a path to resolve conflicts compassionately.

Ask the Trainer: "Recently, I was sitting in my weekly practice group trying to connect to my reasons for wanting to give empathy to a particular person. She was telling us about some painful feeling she was having, but was not connecting to her needs."

Using his own life experience, Eric explores why we need support from others, what support might look like, and what blocks us from asking for support for our relationships.