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Six Ways to Check If An Allied Intervention Is Welcome

Article • 2 - 3 minutes • 7/2019
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
2 - 3 minutes
7/2019

If we are in the dominant group, intervening to prevent violence or an "ouch" is a way to ally with marginalized folks. We can intervene to meet their needs, rather than our own. In other words, we can intervene without putting our experience at center stage. To that end, here are six ways to ask if an intervention is welcome.


Meeting Our Needs

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: Discovering the unmet needs is only a starting point. The other part is to understand what it will take to meet that need, and make a request that will accomplish this. This way, we can resolve situations before they escalate. Everyone benefits when we are clear about what we would like.


When Effects Are Invisible: From Comfort to Freedom

Article • 13 - 19 minutes • 10/2021
All Skill Levels
Article
13 - 19 minutes
10/2021

While so many of us know how close we are to the edge of global catastrophe and want change, what makes the existing global system continue to function with our ongoing participation? Read on for more on the challenges and path towards learning to steward life and all the resources of this one planet for the benefit of all.


Making Requests and Avoiding Demands

Practice Exercise • 5 - 10 minutes • 7/18/2021
All Skill Levels
Practice Exercise
5 - 10 minutes
7/18/2021

Sylvia Haskvitz offers a practical and effective approach to making requests. Learn the two questions that can clarify your motivation for making a request, three ways to discern a request from a demand, and five possible reasons for meeting requests.


The Needs Underneath a Need for “Fairness”

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • Circa 2007
Advanced Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Circa 2007

Ask the Trainer: "I'm practicing with 'transforming the pain of unmet needs into the beauty of the need.' In identifying my unmet needs, I come up with 'fairness.' However, fairness isn't on the needs list! I'm wondering what needs might be underneath 'fairness.'"


The Unconscious Mind Compared to the Conscious Mind

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • Circa 2007
Advanced Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Circa 2007

Ask the Trainer: "I have the understanding that the unconscious is vast compared to conscious mind. When I state 'needs' how well can I depend on there being something beneath my awareness that is actually the motivation?"


Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

Practice Exercise • 3-5 minutes • 12/2/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Practice Exercise
3-5 minutes
12/2/2021

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment, from which next steps can arise.


Keeping The Focus On Ourselves

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/29/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/29/2021

Trainer Tip: Next time you prepare for a challenging conversation, solidly connect with your own feelings and needs before entering into meeting. Then attend the meeting open to creating results that work for everyone. This is likely to give increase chances that the conversation will come to a mutually satisfying conclusion.


Being Honest About Our Anger

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 08/29/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
08/29/2005

Trainer Tip: Mary shares how staying present to our anger and finding the underlying feelings and needs can lead to deeper connection and more satisfying outcomes.


There's No Such Thing as a Perfect Strategy

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Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 11/2017
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes
11/2017

In the face of needs that are still hungry to be satisfied, we can expand our view, plus generate ideas and creativity that can find new paths forward.  Try these tips to transform our complaint into commitment for a change in strategy that works with needs...


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