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Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only then choose what actions to meet needs.

Here are some questions to support you in exploring your connection to life, your life purpose. Here we briefly touch upon what blocks you, your gratitude, strengths, passions, and what you are committed to.

Kelly Bryson and Christine King engage in a role play about how to stay connected to a friend whose persistent jackal voices tell her that she is worthless and her life is hopeless.

When supporting someone with less privilege, first check with them how you can support.  If you're reacting more strongly to their undesirable experience than they are, this then shifts the dynamic so that they're setting aside what they want to attend to your feelings and needs - this may become work that they didn't sign up for.  Read on for what to do instead to support more equity.

Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice." As long as I keep the big bony finger of blame pointed in your direction, I can remain unaware of the fact that it is what I am telling myself about your behavior that is stimulating my painful reactions. 

Trainer tip: Empathy is about being present to a person’s feelings and needs. It is acknowledging another’s experience, not necessarily agreeing with it. If you have a different opinion than another, empathize with her first. Then, state your feelings and needs with regard to the situation.

As social beings we thrive with social contact and community. Thus, with the social isolation and a loss of routine that is happening in the COVD-19 pandemic, there are three critical areas to keep in mind everyday: emotional-physiological regulation, self-empathy for fear and anxiety, and meaningful engagement. 

It’s one thing to share NVC with those who’re interested, but what about those who aren’t? How does meeting someone where they are create space for learning, and help you find a pathway forward? Miki Answers this and more.

This audio training with expert trainer Rita Herzog explores the NVC alternative to family relationships: stay grounded in your own needs and values so you are able to reach out with empathy to family members.