Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries From Requests

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.

Defining Enough

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: If you have a goal, want to be a "success", or want to do "your best', define what that would look like, and how much. Identify one goal and one thing you can do today to achieve that goal and do it.

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Advanced Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4-6 minutes
Advanced Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic: take responsibility, provide empathy, and commit to change.

Moralistic Judgments

Introductory Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.

Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers, "should's", feelings, needs and dilemmas.

The Blame-Free State (Complete Course)

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 6 - 8 hours
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
6 - 8 hours

Blame can become a terrible habit – one that’s extremely costly both personally, socially and culturally. When you play The Blame Game there are usually only losers. Nobody wins, not really. Learn how to move out of blame into peace – whether it involves others, yourself or situations.

The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.


Opening to Intimacy

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you have behavioral patterns that block intimacy? When we are feeling our most vulnerable, we often want intimacy but also tend to keep it at bay. Acknowledge your need for intimacy, and find people you can trust to love you as you are.

Is Nonviolent Use of Force an Oxymoron?

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 37 - 56 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 37 - 56 minutes
What do we actually mean by “use of force” and what counts as such? Here's a template that will be unpacked in this article: "Use of force is consistent with nonviolence to the extent that we use the least amount of force possible, with the most love possible, aiming at (re)creating conditions for dialogue; that we make the choice using as much nonreactive discernment as possible, with as much support for the choice as possible, and while mourning not seeing another way to respond to a situation in which vital needs are at stake except to use force". Read on for more.

Responding to Unwanted Feedback from Peers

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 6-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6-9 minutes
When someone offers continual unsoliticed feedback or advice, setting a boundary may not be easy if you care about how they might hear you. And if you don't set a boundary, you may eventually become resentful and say something you regret. Instead, here are six ways to respond, with varying degrees of effectiveness.

Connection, Connection, Connection

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

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