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Jim and Jori Manske offer insight into blame, how it arises and how do we handle being blamed and our own blame of others.

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Practice Exercise

4 - 6 minutes

9/19/2022

Marriage can be seen as a limit on freedom. Ideas of compromise collude with this view. Instead, notice when your "yes" to your partner is laden with obligation, duty, guilt, fear, or an attempt to win love or approval, and how it's not a truly free "yes". True freedom is different from compulsion, and doesn't conflict with other needs. When have you experienced true freedom? What conditions support your access to freedom?

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Trainer Tip: Violence results from thinking that others caused our pain and deserve to be punished. The cause of our feelings is related to our own needs in the moment. What happened is the stimulus. Notice this when you are tempted to blame other people for your feelings, and try to discover your unmet needs.

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When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions and dialogue may support us.

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If withdrawal is your stress pattern, you likely want to belong and yet have habits of expression that others find uninviting. Instead, soften, relax, and open your posture and energy. Find something that will bring you to smile. Engage with others -- make eye contact, smile, walk towards others, say hello, and sit in an open posture. Let others know that you're a bit overwhelmed, but want to connect and are glad to be here.

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Miki speaks to peace activists about connecting with the life vision in those who stimulate pain in them.

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CNVC Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan explains has developed a path to teaching NVC without relying on OFNR: Principle-based Teaching.

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Reveal, own and share the inner chatter that plays over and over in your head, in between the words you speak aloud. Arnina Kashtan will help you discover, embrace and open up the places inside that you’ve hidden and judged.

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If you’d like to bring more joy and fun into your workplace, listen to this trainer dialogue for NVC tips and tools from some of the leading experts in the industry.

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How we treat ourselves when we fall short of our own ideals, desires and hopes can profoundly affect the quality of our lives. Learn how to identify your triggers and reactions, to mourn falling short, and to practice self-connection and self-empathy. 

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